why do I find it so hard to let things go? Why is it I must usually always go out kicking and screaming? Sometimes issues such as relationships are just not meant to happen, for many different reasons, and there’s me holding on to something that might not have been there in the first place. I have just had a disagreement with my girlfriend over something I feel is trivial, however this incident upset her quite so. I am the type who wants to solve the issues in life straight away so I do not as the bible says “ do not let the sun go down with unresolved issues” or something along those lines. Some people just do not operate the same way, or see things the way I see them. In this case my girlfriend said she needed some space and some time to herself as a result of our mini blowout. I accepted her request and went away feeling sad that I could not have talked this over “Now” and patched this disagreement up “right now”.
This is not the first time in my life that I have felt this way, even when I was in active addiction I would try to force the other person in my life to settle the score “Now” and not any later. It seems as though each second that passes I get eaten up inside even more, anger creeps in more and more and I cannot shut my brain up with the negative chatter. I have prayed numerous times today and It seemed to have helped a little, I called my sponsor and made a point of going to his house and talking it out with him, I spent at least an hour or more at his house running it by him, asking him how it all sounded to him, yet the wheels still spin in my head as I write this letter. One thing I do know is it’s out of my hands now as I have placed it God’s hands to do what he will, or “thy will be done, not mine”. I guess I just need an answer either way being one of two things, do we stay together and talk it out like two adults or is this beyond the point of repair and go our separate ways wishing each other the best of luck. In my heart I think I already know the answer to this question we will be going to go our separate ways within the next day or so.
If this is the case I would like some closure to this situation so I can “Live and let Live”. I had a good time for the short while we were together and what won’t kill me will make me stronger. I know my God is strong and powerful and is always looking out for me day and night, or “The Lord is my Sheppard” which is what he does best, look after his flock which I am a part of. I also know he never gives me more than I can handle so whatever happens I can accept and move on in a forward direction. Just by getting this out on paper or pixels rather, I can already feel a release of steam and the chatter has subsided. Father I now pray for my partner or former partner which ever you choose. “Lord this is a sick person, how can I be helpful to her. God save me from being angry. And father, please release me from any resentment I may have against this person. Thy will be done not mine”. Amen.